I was thinking today about how boring it might be for you to read day after day about the struggles and triumphs I am going through to reach my goal, my dream.
But I want you to know that just having this outlet every day is so powerful for me. Writing is such an incredibly lonely and personal pursuit. It's one with little tangible rewards. There are no instinct gratifications (which I'm a huge addict of, one of the reasons I've always struggled with having a healthy relationship with food) or positive reinforcements in this kind of job.
That's one of the reasons I gave up trying last year before I even really started. One story published, a few tries in other outlets and I gave up. It was too hard. It chances of any reward were low and even when on the off chance I got the rewards, I found the financial payback pitiful in light of the money I could make as a lawyer doing a small fraction of the writing work and effort.
But now, somehow, things are different. I've come back to it with a different mind set. And I'm more determined than I've ever been. That's doesn't mean, however, that it's easier.
It's still incredibly hard. You have to motivate yourself every day. There is no external schedule, pressure, timeline, guidance, structure. All the things that make regular jobs doable for a lot of people.
To be self disciplined, every day, is a mountain that seems too insurmountable to climb. But I'm trying to just take one step forward at a time. Some days, the steps are so small that I'm not sure if they really even matter. But I take them anyway. A page here, a paragraph there, a thought written down, a idea formed. That's all I have right now.
So I'm keeping this going. And every single step I'm going to share on this blog because it really helps me sort it out in my head.
Thanks for sharing this time with me.