Wednesday, July 8, 2009

When I'm Most Happy

I've been thinking a lot about happiness the last few weeks. About what truly makes me happy. The kind of happiness that brings peace. That makes you feel calm inside. Content. Centered. Solid.

So what can bring me this kind of happiness? The question has baffled me over the years. Many times I thought I'd found it. That one thing that makes me happy and fills me up. Finding a man that loves me and I love. Yes that did and still does make me happy. Being successful. Making money. Being creatively challenged. Getting to a place where I'm happy with my body. Yes, all these make me happy (when I can achieve them from time to time) and are all wonderful in their own way.

But I still have those nagging doubts that pop up once in a while and keep me from feeling at peace with myself. Maybe that is just life. The good and the bad. The ying and the yang. Maybe I'm destined to never truly feel the kind of calm that I only see in beautiful old paintings.

Or that's what I thought until recently. I've realized that the time that I feel the most calm, self assured, fulfilled, centered is when I am being the kind of mother that I'm proud of. When I love my children, take care of them, be with them, grow with them, and sacrifice for them the way that I am proud of.

That is the time that I am most happy.