Thursday, October 30, 2008

Goodbye to A Rose

Tonight I said goodbye to a friend. There were no tears, no sad faces, no dramatic gestures, just a hug and a few nice words.

But her departure will leave a big hole in my life and the lives of the other women in our playgroup.

When I met her, I was having a hard time in my life. My first son was nine months old and I was newly pregnant with my second son. I had hardly had time to get myself back together from giving birth, breastfeeding and adjusting to being back at work part time when I found out that I was pregnant again. We wanted to have another one quickly but it was still a surprise that it happened so quickly. My second pregnancy was difficult and I felt sick, tired or angry most of the time. I had also just moved into a new neighborhood and didn't know a soul.

Luckily, a friend of my husband's invited me to an afternoon playgroup during one of my days off. I remember walking in and feeling like the new kid in school, a little nervous and hesitant about my new surroundings.

I don't remember much about that first playgroup gathering but what I do remember is that one of the women in the group went out of her way to make me feel welcome and comfortable. This woman slowly became a friend and confidant.

For the next three years, she was one of the bright spots in my life. She pushed me to do a lot of fun and interesting things that I would not have done by myself (I'm a little bit of a homebody). Also, because of her, I met an incredible group of mothers that showed me how a group of women from different parts of the world with completely different life experiences could come together to form unique and beautiful friendships.

So I'd like to say thank you to her for all her support over the last three years and wish her lots of luck in her next adventure.

I will forever be indebted to you for all you have done for me and my children!

Goodbye my friend.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

A Woman of Substance

Do you have a friend that inspires you?

Recently, a woman entered my life that has impressed me with the way she lives her life. And it has been a really pleasant surprise as I'm not that easily impressed.

I expect a lot from myself and also of others in my life but she has surpassed my expectations:

She lives her life with a free and open spirit.

She loves and embraces cultures that are different then hers.

She is kind without compromise.

She is smart without arrogance.

She is strong without aggression.

She stands up for the people and ideas that she believes in while still respecting the views of other.

And she is grateful for the great family and love she has in her life.

I'm thankful for her friendship and her example.

Monday, October 27, 2008

I Need My LOST Fix!

I just saw a preview of the next season of LOST and it rocked! I got goosebumps and was so excited about seeing the next season...until I heard "coming in 2009!"

What? Why are they doing this to us? Why drag it out so long?

They treat us like we're crack addicts, making us beg for just a little taste of that crazy suspense and twilight zone buzz.

I have to admit, I have a love-hate relationship with the show. My husband and I started watching with the very first episode, not knowing what we were getting ourselves into.

I love it SO much that if it's on, I am totally mesmerized and completely focused on the show(don't even try and talk to me!). BUT, by the end of each episode, I get so mad at myself for watching. I'm all anxious about what will happen next and what it all meant. Then I start hating the producers for the twists, turns and complete nuttiness that they thrust upon me. For goodness sake, just tell us what the hell is going on already!!

Every time they open one door, before we have a chance to really enjoy our delicious moment of clarity, ten more mysterious non-sensicle (that's not a word, is it?) doors appear before us. It makes me crazy...but hungry for MORE LOST!

Last season, I told my husband that no matter what I say to NOT let me watch any more episodes. But both of us got sucked in for yet another season.

So now I have to WAIT UNTIL 2009? Are they TRYING to drive me crazy?

If any of the producers happen to stumble onto this post (don't laugh...anything is possible!) I'm begging you, give us more clues, give us more of Jack and Sawyer (Kate's good too but I need my Jack and Sawyer time!)....just give us more LOST and make it quick!

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Regrets, I Have A Few

What regrets do you have? I have quite a few. I know regretting things you have done or more importantly not done in your past is completely counterproductive but I can't help thinking about them sometimes.

I love those movies where the protagonist says that they don't have any regrets because everything they've done has brought them to that particular moment (or to the love of their life) or made them the person they are today.

That's not me. I am happy with where I am in my life and feel very lucky to be here but I certainly have regrets; big ones, little ones, short ones, very long ones, trivial ones and life changing ones...basically many many regrets.

I wish I had had the wisdom early in my life to do some things differently. To live my life with much more discipline, courage, and strength.

And now, with the realization of how precious and short life is, I wish I could go back in time and tell my much younger self to be all the things that I now know are so important.

Listen to your gut instincts.

Don't be afraid.

Watch less television.

Do more for others.

Don't feel guilty about enjoying you life.

Respect yourself more.

Paint more.

Write more.

Watch LESS TV!

Sing more.

Dance more.

and finally...


Friday, October 24, 2008

Today With My Boys

Today was one of those days that makes all the bad days worth it. The bad mommy days. The days where the kids are just beyond unruly and for some reason one or the other is at all times completely unbearable.

Today, the boys were both lit up with joy and ideas. They talked to me and each other and shared their thoughts about the world.

Today, I didn't raise my voice ONCE (I know, it doesn't sound like a huge accomplishment but unfortunately for me it is...with two toddlers running around it's not unusual for me to raise my voice at some time during the day).

Today, I watched my boy take care of his little brother.

Today, I was 100% sure that I made the right decision to stay home.

Today, I was not waiting for my husband get home in the afternoon so he could help me with the kids.

Today, my son showed me the kind of man he could become.

Today, my baby's giggles made me giggle even harder.

Today was a good day.

Monday, October 20, 2008

The Freedom of Silence

There is something so uncomfortable and absolutely exhilarating about silence - no noise, no book, no task, nothing to take your mind away. Your only companion is the silence.

Most of us don't experience real silence that often. In fact, some people are so used to filling all the space in their lives with some kind of noise or distraction, the very notion of total silence is as foreign to them as a country they've never visited.

But even for those of us that do want it and even yearn for it, silence can be hard to handle. At first it's a little bit of a shock to the system. You reach around with your eyes, your ears, your skin for something to grab onto, a noise, a task, a moving story but find nothing. When you realize that you have put yourself in a state of non-distraction, you become agitated and uncomfortable.

Then as you slowly get comfortable with the emptiness like your eyes adjusting to a darkness, you start to gain clarify and discover a kind of freedom. Freedom to explore your untouched thoughts. To go places that you hadn't been in a long time or visit new places you never thought to look.

You start to enjoy this journey and realize why you yearned for this time. You swim around in it and go from one treasured thought to the next not knowing how long to stay with each. You soar through the sky with joy and dive deep into dark places.

And then suddenly, without warning it's all gone. One of life's many distractions has grabbed a hold of you and is demanding your attention. So you answer the call and get back to the world as it is usually lived, with wonderful gifts for your senses to enjoy.

Friday, October 17, 2008

From Talking to Doing

Do you ever feel like you've lost your way? Like you were on track to accomplish something great and somehow you lost your drive or direction?

I have all these great dreams about what I want to do with my life creatively and intellectually and then somehow I get lost in the daily chores of being a mom and wife (both of which I love being) and weeks go by and I realize that I haven't even made one step forward towards any of those dreams.

Then I see something or hear something that lights a flame under me and makes me want to jump in again with full force.

I guess the difference between the people that achieve their goals and the ones that just talk about it is just the doing part. You would think that once you realize that, it would be easy to go from the talking to the doing but it's harder than I ever expected.

So, here I am again reminding myself that it's important to push forward with your dreams and goals no matter how many times you give up or doubt yourself.