Four years ago after the birth of my second son I decided that I needed some help losing weight. When I walked into that first meeting I felt a flood of emotions including incredible sadness that I had to ask for help and couldn't do it by myself. I never ask for help. I'm all about being able to do things yourself. Self sufficiency, strength and independence were my mottoes for most of my life.
But here I was in this meeting admitting that I needed help. I cried through the entire first meeting. It was something I had no control of, I couldn't stop. It wasn't a blubbering cry, just slow hot tears running down my face as I thought about my life and were I had come to. I stayed with Weight Watchers for six months and lost over 30 lbs. I was so happy. It was mostly the weekly meeting that helped me get to the place that I did. The leader was just the right amount of knowledge, encouragement and guide.
The months following my departure, I lost a few more pounds which was evidence enough to me that I was "cured." I could do it myself now. And over the next four years anytime I felt bad about something I would think "at least I haven't gained the weight back" that's something I was really proud of.
Well, it didn't last forever. Over the last six months I've gained a quarter of that weight back and every time I've tried to brush it off as "just a few pounds" it's gotten worse and worse. And no amount of shame and effort has helped me get back to myself.
So today I went back to Weight Watchers. The meeting leader recognized me as I was standing in line to register. She came over to say hello. I shook her hand and said "I'm back after four years." With those words the tears weld up in my eyes and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop them from streaming down my face. I cried through my entire registration process (can you say embarrassing?) and for the first few minutes of the meeting. Again, not a blubbering cry but slow and constant tears. Everyone was so nice about it and the meeting leader just said, "don't worry, it will be OK, you're home." I had to admit that I couldn't keep the weight off and that I needed help again. Man, was that hard!
So it's my first day back and I feel hopeful again and energized. Now is when the hard work begins to get back to my good habits. And make the sacrifices necessary to get to a good place again.
Wish me luck! And if there is anyone out there reading this that is struggling with this issue, I say find a good WW meeting, the people are so supportive and the program is reasonable. It's OK to ask for help. :)