I'm feeling lost and I thought if I wrote it down, admitted it, maybe it would help me find my way.
Things are good in many years. The summer is going well. As a family, we're having a lot of fun with each other and our friends. I feel loved and supported.
But I've lost discipline in my daily life. With all the summer outings and lazy days, I've lost my routine and am wasting time. Time I could spend producing something for myself.
Tomorrow is a new day. I'll try to make it fun but a little less lazy. :)
Monday, June 28, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
We All Need Some Fruit Flavor!
I was thinking today about how much I love the name I picked for my blog. It took weeks of torturing my husband with suggestions and what-do-you-think-of-thises. I would e-mail him at work and demand that he e-mail me back immediately and tell me what he thought of my new blog title suggestion like it was the most important thing in the world not caring that he had a million more important things to think about, including his actual work!!!
And then I was watching Reality Bites (OMG, I love the part that Ethan Hawk and what's-her-name hook up and then he leaves in the morning...total 80s angst movie) and Ethan's character was being sarcastic and said those four words and I thought how great they were. They work either way...happy or totally sarcastic.
Now I see that no matter how many times I change my mind about what I'm going to do with my life or what great new adventure I'd like to embark on, the title still applies. Just in the last several months I've changed my mind about a dozen times about what this blog would be about:
1. Entertainment - My love for TV, movies, music, and gossip are limitless and burst of fruit flavor could totally encapsulate my little tid bits of info on all the crazy entertainment finds and news.
2. Food - Recipes, blogs, pictures, travel and anything else having to do with finding, eating, sharing, loving food could easily fit with the title....fruit and flavor...Yummy.
3. Writing - Every sentence that I write makes me think of all the great elements of life and the bursts that fill all of our lives with different flavors...both sweet and sour.
4. Painting - It makes think of the colors that go into creating something beautiful and how colors can totally transform the way you feel.
5. Mothering - Being a mother, especially a stay at home mother, means going through each day doing a lot of ordinary and sometimes mundane things but each day also includes bursts of love, joy, magic, and lots of life's sweet flavors!
I hope your day is filled with little moments of fruit flavor!
:)
And then I was watching Reality Bites (OMG, I love the part that Ethan Hawk and what's-her-name hook up and then he leaves in the morning...total 80s angst movie) and Ethan's character was being sarcastic and said those four words and I thought how great they were. They work either way...happy or totally sarcastic.
Now I see that no matter how many times I change my mind about what I'm going to do with my life or what great new adventure I'd like to embark on, the title still applies. Just in the last several months I've changed my mind about a dozen times about what this blog would be about:
1. Entertainment - My love for TV, movies, music, and gossip are limitless and burst of fruit flavor could totally encapsulate my little tid bits of info on all the crazy entertainment finds and news.
2. Food - Recipes, blogs, pictures, travel and anything else having to do with finding, eating, sharing, loving food could easily fit with the title....fruit and flavor...Yummy.
3. Writing - Every sentence that I write makes me think of all the great elements of life and the bursts that fill all of our lives with different flavors...both sweet and sour.
4. Painting - It makes think of the colors that go into creating something beautiful and how colors can totally transform the way you feel.
5. Mothering - Being a mother, especially a stay at home mother, means going through each day doing a lot of ordinary and sometimes mundane things but each day also includes bursts of love, joy, magic, and lots of life's sweet flavors!
I hope your day is filled with little moments of fruit flavor!
:)
Monday, June 21, 2010
Long Time No See :)
It's been way too long since I've posted. We've been traveling so much, which although hard at times has been so wonderful. Two trips with the kids to visit my in-laws and also to visit my brother and other friends and one trip for two-and-a-half days with just my husband and another couple for a weekend of champagne and delicious food.
It's been so great not having to worry about checking my e-mails for legal work. I've been free to enjoy the time with my kids, husband, family and friends. Simply wonderful.
I've been thinking a lot about the memoir thing. I love telling stories, there's no question about that, but I've realized that I'm way too nervous about revealing my and my family's private matters and history. There are so many elements of it that make me uncomfortable that I finally realized that it's just not doable right now. I have enough family drama (immediate and extended family) without adding the element of "did you see what she said about us?" No matter how I write it, there will be someone either insulted or hurt and I just don't want to do that. Why should I? There are other ways to express my creativity. Also, I'm so scared of revealing my self. I published one short story and this weird guy has e-mailed me several times over the span of a year. I've ignored all the e-mails but it makes me nervous that he has my e-mail and that he's seen my profile picture on Facebook. I changed the profile picture privacy thing but I'm not sure if you can block your profile picture. That's just one guy. I can't imagine what people in the public eye have to deal with when they put their work and themselves out there for any crazy to comment on. Yikes!
But I'm still determined to do fun and creative things. For now, I'm LOVING spending the summer with my kids, husband and friends. We're off to the community pool tomorrow! :)
It's been so great not having to worry about checking my e-mails for legal work. I've been free to enjoy the time with my kids, husband, family and friends. Simply wonderful.
I've been thinking a lot about the memoir thing. I love telling stories, there's no question about that, but I've realized that I'm way too nervous about revealing my and my family's private matters and history. There are so many elements of it that make me uncomfortable that I finally realized that it's just not doable right now. I have enough family drama (immediate and extended family) without adding the element of "did you see what she said about us?" No matter how I write it, there will be someone either insulted or hurt and I just don't want to do that. Why should I? There are other ways to express my creativity. Also, I'm so scared of revealing my self. I published one short story and this weird guy has e-mailed me several times over the span of a year. I've ignored all the e-mails but it makes me nervous that he has my e-mail and that he's seen my profile picture on Facebook. I changed the profile picture privacy thing but I'm not sure if you can block your profile picture. That's just one guy. I can't imagine what people in the public eye have to deal with when they put their work and themselves out there for any crazy to comment on. Yikes!
But I'm still determined to do fun and creative things. For now, I'm LOVING spending the summer with my kids, husband and friends. We're off to the community pool tomorrow! :)
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Running Errands
I'm procrastinating. Anything not to do what I want to do which is write down the stories that have been swirling in my head for the past several weeks.
How best to procrastinate? Run errands. Something that I hate doing but must be done. OK, I'm off!
I hope you had a fantastic weekend. :)
How best to procrastinate? Run errands. Something that I hate doing but must be done. OK, I'm off!
I hope you had a fantastic weekend. :)
Friday, June 4, 2010
39
Turning 39 has been lovelier than I anticipated! I'm so grateful for friends to share my life with and a family that surrounds me with love and support.
I was freaked out by this age but I'm starting to embrace it and rejoice in the fact that I'm here, healthy and happy.
Here's hoping that I can live each day with the kind of joy and light heartedness that I feel today.
:)
I was freaked out by this age but I'm starting to embrace it and rejoice in the fact that I'm here, healthy and happy.
Here's hoping that I can live each day with the kind of joy and light heartedness that I feel today.
:)
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
A Surprising Exchange
This past weekend I got an e-mail from the teacher of the one year writing workshop that I signed up for. It was an introductory e-mail welcoming us to the group and giving us instructions about the 30 page chunks that will be due on the first day and other weeks during the course.
I had been having serious doubts about doing this thing in the first place but when I got her e-mail I really freaked out. This thing is real. I'm actually expected to do this. I signed up for a workshop that will have people that are writers doing their craft, their job, their passion. And I'm just wavering, flying in the wind.
My doubts went beyond my own insecurities and feelings of inadequacy. Writing a memoir means giving up the privacy of other people. My parents and my husband primarily. Even though they have all agreed to this project, they're all seriously private and I'm so afraid of hurting their feelings and making their life uncomfortable because of this project.
So a few weeks ago, in my heart, I decided to give up. I'm not going to do this. It's too much for me. I'm not a good enough writer, I'm scared of doing it badly, I'll be crushed if I hurt my family. OK, that's it. I'm not doing it.
But then I got her e-mail about the workshop. And with all of this swirling in my head, I responded to the workshop teacher with the following:
Dear X: Thank you for the information. I'm having some second thoughts about whether this workshop is a right fit for me. I'm a novice writer at best and struggling with what and how I want to share my life with the world. I have realized that I'm not going to write a memoir that is like a novel, starting one place and taking the reader through a chunk of time. If anything I am going to do short essays that I hope to put together into a compilation that together will give a picture of my life.
Frankly, I just don't know if I can do it.
Rebecca
I expected her response to be short and to the point, thanks for letting me know, I'll take you off the list, have a good day.
But instead, she surprised me with this e-mail:
Rebecca --
A couple thoughts for you.
1) This class is full and I have no doubt will have a waiting list . .. . take your time and if at some point you realize that it is not something you want to do, you will not have let me or anyone down.
2) If you write a series of essays (and not a novel) -- it still has to kinda have a theme and a thread. Each essay will have to show a change in the perspective and vision of the person -- and those will likely build to a larger conclusion by the end.
3) We have MANY MONTHS (4, about 120 days) before this workshop starts. Start writing. See what happens -- see where it takes you. Start anywhere. Start with a random word picked out of a dictionary, an evocative photo, or a stupid prompt like "my worst day."
4) Writers write. That's how they process their worlds. That's how they come to understand the externalia of life and put it in perspective. You don't need to write a book with the idea that it's going to be a runaway best seller and people will recognize you on the street (would you recognize JK Rowling or John Grisham in the Giant? Very few people would cause they look pretty much like everyone else. Now Stephen King has that goofy hair, so maybe him . . .). Anyway, you should think of telling this story as much as exorcising it from you as telling it to the world. Don't worry about the world. Write the book you wish someone else had written so you wouldn't have to. Write a book you'd love to read. Get it out
Take your time and mull through all this. And in the mean time? Get writing. Put it in your calendar, mark off the blocks of time. Make dates with yourself.
X
Wow, she really blew me away with her advice and kindness. Her push is what I needed to try a little longer.
:)
I had been having serious doubts about doing this thing in the first place but when I got her e-mail I really freaked out. This thing is real. I'm actually expected to do this. I signed up for a workshop that will have people that are writers doing their craft, their job, their passion. And I'm just wavering, flying in the wind.
My doubts went beyond my own insecurities and feelings of inadequacy. Writing a memoir means giving up the privacy of other people. My parents and my husband primarily. Even though they have all agreed to this project, they're all seriously private and I'm so afraid of hurting their feelings and making their life uncomfortable because of this project.
So a few weeks ago, in my heart, I decided to give up. I'm not going to do this. It's too much for me. I'm not a good enough writer, I'm scared of doing it badly, I'll be crushed if I hurt my family. OK, that's it. I'm not doing it.
But then I got her e-mail about the workshop. And with all of this swirling in my head, I responded to the workshop teacher with the following:
Dear X: Thank you for the information. I'm having some second thoughts about whether this workshop is a right fit for me. I'm a novice writer at best and struggling with what and how I want to share my life with the world. I have realized that I'm not going to write a memoir that is like a novel, starting one place and taking the reader through a chunk of time. If anything I am going to do short essays that I hope to put together into a compilation that together will give a picture of my life.
Frankly, I just don't know if I can do it.
Rebecca
I expected her response to be short and to the point, thanks for letting me know, I'll take you off the list, have a good day.
But instead, she surprised me with this e-mail:
Rebecca --
A couple thoughts for you.
1) This class is full and I have no doubt will have a waiting list . .. . take your time and if at some point you realize that it is not something you want to do, you will not have let me or anyone down.
2) If you write a series of essays (and not a novel) -- it still has to kinda have a theme and a thread. Each essay will have to show a change in the perspective and vision of the person -- and those will likely build to a larger conclusion by the end.
3) We have MANY MONTHS (4, about 120 days) before this workshop starts. Start writing. See what happens -- see where it takes you. Start anywhere. Start with a random word picked out of a dictionary, an evocative photo, or a stupid prompt like "my worst day."
4) Writers write. That's how they process their worlds. That's how they come to understand the externalia of life and put it in perspective. You don't need to write a book with the idea that it's going to be a runaway best seller and people will recognize you on the street (would you recognize JK Rowling or John Grisham in the Giant? Very few people would cause they look pretty much like everyone else. Now Stephen King has that goofy hair, so maybe him . . .). Anyway, you should think of telling this story as much as exorcising it from you as telling it to the world. Don't worry about the world. Write the book you wish someone else had written so you wouldn't have to. Write a book you'd love to read. Get it out
Take your time and mull through all this. And in the mean time? Get writing. Put it in your calendar, mark off the blocks of time. Make dates with yourself.
X
Wow, she really blew me away with her advice and kindness. Her push is what I needed to try a little longer.
:)
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